UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
By: Dr. Phyllis J. Arno
The Nature of Love: An Introduction
We've all been asked at some point, “What is love?”As Christians, we often point to the answer found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, where the Bible describes love in its truest form:
Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud,
It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no records of wrong,
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres.
When people read this passage, they might respond, “I can’t always be patient, I can’t always be kind…” The challenge of loving as described in these verses can feel impossible. So, what’s the solution?
The answer lies within us.
Tapping Into God’s Unconditional Love
If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you have the source of unconditional love living within you, because God is love (1 John 4:16). You don’t need to rely on your own ability to love perfectly. Instead, you need to tap into God's love.
This means releasing your own conditional love and allowing God’s unconditional love to flow through you. When you embrace God’s love, your love will shift from being based on conditions to being unconditional.
Scriptures to Guide Us
Here are a few key Bible verses that help us understand God’s command to love:
Matthew 22:37-39 – “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind... Love your neighbor as yourself.”
John 3:16 – "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."
John 13:34 – “A new commandment I give to you: Love one another as I have loved you.”
John 14:23-24 – "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word, and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him."
2 Corinthians 7:1 – “Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.”
Philippians 1:9-10 – "And this I pray, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and judgment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ."
1 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.”
1 John 4:7-8 – "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."
1 John 4:15-16 – “God is love. Whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”
1 John 4:21 – “And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.”
Understanding Unconditional Love
Unconditional love, as the Bible teaches, is the love God extends to us, one that’s not based on what we do or don’t do. It is freely given. As Webster's Dictionary defines it, unconditional love is “love without limitations or reservations.”
God’s love is unchanging and everlasting, but it’s important to understand that God's love does not mean He condones sin. In fact, He hates sin, as seen in Proverbs 6:16-19, which lists things God detests:
A proud look
A lying tongue
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that devises wicked plans
Feet that run to evil
A false witness who speaks lies
One who sows discord among brothers
The Choleric Temperament and Unconditional Love
Let’s now focus on how the Choleric temperament expresses affection. Cholerics are often:
Charming
Controlling
Romantic
Task-oriented
Critical
Cool and aloof
Confident
Sexually oriented
Demanding
While these traits are not inherently bad, they can present challenges when it comes to practicing unconditional love. A Choleric may struggle with perfectionism in their relationships, leading to criticism when others don’t meet their high standards. But there’s hope for growth.
How Cholerics Can Learn to Love Unconditionally
The first step for a Choleric in affection is to focus on their relationship with God. By accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and cultivating intimacy with Him, they allow God’s love to flow through them.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 reminds us to love God with all our hearts and teach this love to others. For a Choleric, this means recognizing that true love comes from God and that their relationships need to be rooted in this divine love, not their own need for control or perfection.
Cholerics may express love through actions, such as doing tasks for others, but it’s important for them to also embrace more expressive forms of love, such as affection and physical touch.
Practical Steps for Cholerics to Love Unconditionally
Avoid using love to control: Cholerics often try to manipulate situations, but unconditional love isn’t about control; it’s about freedom and respect.
Forgive others: Holding grudges only leads to bitterness. Unconditional love requires forgiveness.
Develop emotional depth: Love is more than just actions. Cholerics should aim to genuinely feel love for those around them, not just act as though they do.
Don’t punish others for failing to meet your expectations: Unconditional love doesn’t demand love on one’s own terms. It’s about accepting people where they are.
Don’t become abusive: Physical or emotional abuse has no place in a loving relationship. Unconditional love is always kind and never violent.
Recognize the needs of others: True love considers the needs of others, not just our own desires.
Replace criticism with mercy: Instead of focusing on perfection, practice mercy and understanding toward others.
A Final Thought
Unconditional love is the greatest gift we can offer, as it reflects God’s love for us. By embracing God's love, Cholerics—and all of us—can learn to love unconditionally, without manipulation, without control, and without the expectation of perfection.
Let us remember that God is love (1 John 4:8), and He has set the perfect example for us to follow.